The Growth Factor

Every relationship that you enter into, and I’m not just talking about the “love” – type of relationship, that is to say every engagement with a person should warrant, on your end, personal growth.

I’ve become more aware as I grow mentally and spiritually, that my personal relationships with which the people I surround myself have a more of a profound impact on my life, than ever before.
You must learn to let all of your relationships, whether they are still going strong, have ended, or will be fostered, allow you to grow as a person. No one person was put into your life on accident, by mistake. There’s a reason behind every relationship and a purpose behind every person.
Friendships should teach you value, communication, trust, and one of the purest forms of love. When you have a true friendship you value that person for exactly who they are, not what they can give to you. Your communication should be honest, truthful, and real. I have come to believe that a true friend is not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how harsh it may be, no matter how much you do not want to hear it. That is not to say, go hurting your friend’s feelings just because. Rather, when the situation calls for it, be truthful. Love in a relationship is not the physical sense of the word, but the emotional, the mental, the spiritual, the untouchable. Giving love to a friend or maybe even a complete stranger requires that you put that person ahead of yourself. It may require that you pray for them daily, give them advice, bail them out, help them out, or simply be there for them. Whatever it may be, when you have a friend by your side, it’s merely another person in your corner, who loves you, who wants to see you grow. They want to be a part of your growth factor. Friends are there to make the growth process easier. They see the potential in you, when you may not even see it in yourself. They believe in you, even if you don’t believe in yourself.

Relationships, should not hinder your growth as a person, but rather add to your growth. Relationships in the sense of “boyfriend/girlfriend” are always a touchy subject. You love it when you’re with that person, can’t stand it when you’re not, it may hurt when you’re with them, and it may hurt when you’re not with them. But, regardless, it should teach you more about yourself. The capacity to love another individual, should show you of your endless and self-less ability to feel and experience an overwhelming emotion for someone other than family. If you’re currently in a relationship, remember that you are still an individual. “Never leave the “you” out of a relationship, just in case the other person decides to leave” <– Perhaps the most key quote to remember. Never forget that you must continue to look after yourself, physically, spiritually, and mentally. How can you continue to give your "all" to a person, when you left "you" at the door?
On the other end of the spectrum, if you are no longer in a relationship, don't forget the you, whom you used to be, before that person. Just because that person is no longer with you, does not warrant that you should not work to grow for yourself. Rest on the comfort of knowing that that person was put in your life to teach you something. Just like life itself, one that person's mission is complete, they are taken from you. The "taken" process, is generally the hardest for most. You dwell on the realization that they are no longer a part of your life, your storyline, your script. But, completely eradicate the purpose of the scene. Moving on to the next act, the next episode is where your growth factors in. Taking a few moments daily to really think about the purpose that person had in your life, makes growing and learning from the relationship easier. While every day may feel like a battle once you walk outside your door, even if it's 0.00000001% easier…it helps.

Using my past relationships as example, I've learned that I have the capacity to love beyond everything. There is no limit to what I'd go through for that special person. Hanging on to the hope, that the lessons I've learned, the lengths I've grown are not in vain, satisfies me that my future husband is going to have it all – my all. I'm being molded daily, into the virtuous woman that he so truly deserves and I giggle at the fact that he already loves all my flaws, short-comings, mistakes, and transgressions.
You see, my growth factor was when I learned, that all of my relationships are a part of my process. They are merely chapters in my book, inscribed indelibly for that special someone to read some day. Yes, while in the present, it may be hard to sit next to that person I went through many experiences with, not being able to hold their hand, feel the warmth of their touch or hug, or even feel the softness of their kiss. But knowing that what they taught me will stay with me for the rest of my journey and that my [someday] husband will be receiving the best of me, feels much better.

Above all be blessed,


2 thoughts on “The Growth Factor

  1. love. Love. LOVE this post. “There’s a reason behind every relationship and a purpose behind every person.” You are absolutely right and I think even those people we don’t necessarily see as friends – those people who are mere acquaintances or people we know of in passing have their purpose in our lives as well whether to inspire to be like them in some way (or area) or to avoid some of the pitfalls they make.

    People are silly for wanting to experience things for themselves the more people you know the broader your perspective on the world and the better equipped you’ll be for your purpose in life. You don’t have to smoke to know its bad for you allow the experiences of others to guide you. That’s a form of wisdom.

    You defined friendship in a great way and its no wonder – you are of course a great best friend!

    Loving you mi amor…

  2. How can you continue to give your “all” to a person, when you left “you” at the door?

    Definitely love this. Good for you, girl. Often time, we find ourselves changing for those we “think” we love. God will give you a man who loves you for you; someone you don’t have to change for. You’ll be ready for him, and he’ll be ready for you. I can see the change in you, AJB, and I’m so proud! You’re maturing and learning to trust His plan for you.

    For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

    I love you, darling. Keep up the good work!

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