As people, we often look back on our life, the things we used to do, the people we used to date, how we used to view ourselves. This is a dedication to surpassing all doubt that I am no longer where I used to be.
Cheers to the past, a toast to the future, and a celebration of the present.
I recently took a picture of myself, harmless right? Just me fooling around with this Mac Photo-booth picture. Well, I decided it was time to change some profile pictures and I stumbled upon the picture. I looked at it carefully. I was smiling…and it wasn’t just a, “let me see how cute I can be” type smile..it was a smile from within. A smile that..regardless of all the tears I’ve released in the past year..I’m still here. I’m okay..I’ve surpassed where I was.
I’m not ashamed of anything in my past, it’s a lesson for not only myself, but for others. It’s creeping up on the 1 year of a breakup that (without a doubt) changed my life..and obviously me. I don’t feel it’s necessary to go into details surrounding the relationship. But looking back on where it was, seeing it from the outside in, how it was going downhill, with no rescue in sight, I can see that the LORD truly is amazing. HE knew exactly what I needed and wanted…and although I didn’t know it at the time, HE knew exactly what HE was doing. HE knew I was unequally yoked (even if marriage was far off)…HE knew that, THAT wasn’t for me. It was for me (in HIS permissive will), for me to learn and grow..but it wasn’t what..I mean WHO HE had for me. One thing I will divulge is that I prayed a prayer that said simply, “LORD, put me where ONLY YOU can sustain me. AMEN.”
Little did I know, that meant alone, broken (yet whole)..where my only focus could be on HIM. HE was showing me that all I needed was HIM, HIS love, HIS embrace, HIS presence. That was honestly the hardest moment in life. It hurt, because I didn’t know what HIS plan was, I just knew that I felt broken, I felt like HE was punishing me.
That’s where the cliche, “If I knew THEN, what I know NOW” comes in….IF I KNEW that HE had something AMAZING, beyond all recognition I could have ever imagined, waiting on the other side of the mountain..I would have never wasted so many nights drenched in tears. I would not have worried, because HE already had a plan IN PLACE. HE removed me from a situation, fixed me up, dusted me off, built me up, and blessed me….well, a blessing.
This time last year is incomparable to this year. No keeping count, no arguments, involving other people, no wondering, no pressure. All it is is GOD…it’s nothing but GOD. It’s nothing but HIM showing me how it SHOULD be. It is HIM showing me, that..with time, 100% belief in HIM and HIS plan, I am able to surpass all doubt.
The moral of the story, boys and girls, is that no matter how bad you want something to work out..GOD has something bigger, better, and most importantly beneficial (to HIS kingdom and you) waiting for you. Trusting HIM is the hardest part, but once you surrender all control…you’ve already won.
Above all be blessed,