There are 5 phases, shock -> feelings of betrayal -> hurt -> anger -> bitterness
I’m in phase 5, the most unnecessary one of the group (go figure)
So let me be honest! I missed the tell-tale signs, that is to say, I ignored them. I was naive to the caution signs that my guardian angels were placing right in front of me. My heart tells that me it wasn’t purposeful, but rather I was too much of the good in the situation to believe that there was no room for bad.
Bad was in there all along.
Let’s be real – It wasn’t stuff I created out of thin air. It wasn’t messages I imagined. Those weren’t situations I dreamt of – THEY HAPPENED. It was out of my control. *pause*…It was out of my control. It’s a scary realm for anyone to lose control over even the slightest of things. “It’s not how hard life hit it’s how you respond”
So let’s chalk this whole thing up to experience. So what did I learn from this situation?
- I can never cross my bottom line
– What’s the point of a bottom line if I don’t stick to it? If you cross it – you’re gone. If you teeter near it – be warned. I’m not accepting less than the best.
- I am only accountable for MY actions
– While GOD is in complete control in my life, I am solely responsible for my actions. I will not defend or protect anyone with whom I disagree with. If you know better, but don’t DO better – that’s on YOU. If I know better, but fail to do better – IT’S ON ME.
- To accept the love I know I deserve
– I have to forget the past, there’s a reason it’s not coming back. All of my past relationships are in the past for a reason – they’re not the love I KNOW I deserve. At best, there were pieces…but my whole package is out there.
The most important thing I am still learning is that I cannot be completely bitter, it only hurts myself. I can make it more difficult for suitors, but I can’t keep my heart guarded by rabid, carnivorous, fire-breathing german shepherds. Not everyone is going to make the same choices are the previous. I have to live this life with the love I was born with, not with the anger I picked up along this journey.
With this perspective on my heart and in my mind – I’m okay.
Above all be blessed,