I knew being selfish and following my dreams would hurt someone.
I knew that my decision would not only impact my life, but those I love.
Regardless, the decision has been made.
My heart is hurting and hopeful at the same time.
To be honest, when I made my resolutions on December 31st, 2015…none of what has happened was included in those “plans”. I love God and His curveballs. He keeps me guessing and keeps me on my toes. My relationship with Him is always exciting and pure. He’s like the best husband, that’s not [really] there, but giving me everything I could ever need.
Can you be happy with God and sad with your situation at the same time?
I love that my season is changing, but I hate that I have to leave people behind. My students at that. If anyone knows me, you know my students are equivalent to my children. And I have to leave them? I have to? Now? Seeing their tears, hearing their fears, and consoling their sadness made the list of some of the hardest moments of life. Suddenly, I’m not going to be around for these lives I’ve been sent to impact. In the beginning, i never thought I’d have such a huge impact on some of their lives. As I reflect back, I’m deeply grateful that I was called and qualified to be a positive influence to them. So many of my students have such tough home lives and situations. They’ve taught me to be sweet and kind to everyone I meet. I’ve learned that I have to be the brightest and best part of their day, because they might not see that positivity anywhere else.
I told my students to follow their dreams…and then I told them I had to follow mine. And by following mine I had to leave them. And that is one of the hardest decisions about this season. Trusting God to be the author of my life means taking the good, the bad, and the ugly and taking a step forward.
Like I’ve told them, I cannot wait to see what amazing things they’ll do in their life. And My sincerest hope is that they make their dreams a reality.