Have you ever looked at an old photo of yourself and not recognized that person? You “know” it’s you, but who you were in the picture was not who you currently are. That happened.
As I prepare my mind, my heart, and my life to make a huge transition I couldn’t help but to reflect on life up to this point. The good, the bad, the ugly.
I first thought of my students.
I can’t believe I’m leaving them. If you know me, you know the huge role they played in my life for the past 3 years. While I told them to think about their dreams and pursue it – I had to do the same myself. I couldn’t tell them to follow their dreams, while I’m stuck on pause. So I took the leap of faith and jumped. I don’t regret the decision. I’m nostalgic about this season ending. I’m grateful for the souls I encountered and the seeds I’ve planted in my 135 monsters. I cannot wait to see what amazing things they do with their lives. I secretly cover them in love and prayer every time I think of them.
Then I thought about past-relationships
I have this folder called, “No Need to Open” and as the title suggests, there’s never a need to open it. But tonight there was. There was a pulling on my heart to reflect on who I used to, in order to strengthen and edify who I am called to be. Let’s just say I’m grateful..I don’t remember who that girl in those pictures is. She smiled so genuinely, without knowledge of imminent reality months down the line. She was just happy and honest. She was me. But when “life” happens and things suddenly change, you adapt. You learn, grow, move on, and never look back. Always remember to look back. Seeing her made me remember that that happiness is still possible. I’m still human and perfectly capable of love. As I looked through the plethora of photos, screenshots, and candids I did something out of the ordinary – laughed and smiled. WHOA! I surprised myself with that one. To reflect and laugh about it means I’m not hurt (I shouldn’t be, it’s been what..3 years?!) anymore. I made a promise to myself, that I have started to realize I’ll have to break. And right now, I’m okay with that. I know when that day comes, my heart will be racing..my palms will be sweaty and my feet make forget how to walk, but I’m okay.
..And then I thought about the possibilities
There’s so many. As cliche as this is..my future is so bright. I’m not afraid of anything. Not the journey, not the process, not the work, not the amount of time. I’m excited. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, that has been created for me and I for it. This is all mine. I honestly don’t expect many to be on this journey with me. I have GOD and truthfully, He’s all I need. Anyone else that decides to stay the course with me, only reminds of the faithfulness of my Creator.
My soul is grateful to be at this point. In no way have I “made it”, but to still be standing and smiling is evidence that God is God and His promise is true.